turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
