You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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