you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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