well you can't waste a boner
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
