I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
