he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
