it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
