I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
