p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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