you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
