last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
