i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
smell my finger.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
