i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize