sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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