Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
