So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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