There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
