I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
false alarm, still single
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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