and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
