It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
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