recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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