my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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