the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
