Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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