I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
