my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So vagazzling was a success
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
