my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
