if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
