Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
