So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
