You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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