Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just google imaged poop.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
either way he was missing a nipple.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Boobs are out for the taking
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
