my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
