Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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