yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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