sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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