...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
