I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
