that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
