So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You left your phone here
Wait...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
