I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
