i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
