I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
