i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just pee around me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
