do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
