wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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