i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
