If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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