peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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