she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
