My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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