When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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