How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
