Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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