Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
