then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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