I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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