I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
