Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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