My nipple is on Facebook.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
