Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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