that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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