I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
