She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have fence marks all over my body
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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