And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
