he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize