We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
