just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
