hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Acid is not a monday night drug
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
