I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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