I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
