went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
