i was born a porn star she said
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
