You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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